When Good Olives Go Bad...

I have two olive trees in my front yard. I have grown to LOVE olives since we've moved to Spain. I really wanted to do SOMETHING with my ripening olives. I mean, who has olive trees just growing in the yard??? A lot of people, actually...here, at least, anyway. My landlord Senor M offered to share a recipe with me and I jumped at the chance to prepare my olives for human consumption, rather than just leaving them for the birds to enjoy. So Senor M ran home and printed out a recipe in Spanish for "Arreglo de las Aceitunas Verdes." The best translation I could find for the name of this receipe was "Agreement Olives." Senor M found me a good mashing rock from the front yard, and once he'd given me his little demonstration, I went to work. I took my bowlful of olives, and commenced with the mashing. The key to the mashing was supposed to be mashing the olive just enough to make a break in the skin so the brine could get inside and work it's magic. Then I covered all of the smashed olives with water and sealed them in a tupperware bowl. For the next six days, I would have to change the water twice a day. This would give me time to transalte the recipe, which was completely in Spanish, and gather all the ingredients I would need. I was very dilligent about changing the water and on the seventh day, I stood in front of my soaked and softened olives, ready to add salt, an orange, garlic, vinegar, oregano, thyme, cumin, and bay leaves. Senor M had been so nice to help me with this whole process, so I wanted to make sure I did a good job with this recipe. After all, he promised to taste them when they were "done." I really wanted these olives to turn out right, especially after Senor M told me a story about olives, suffering, and Spain. To get the full impact of this story, you must know that, Senor M, a charming, white-haired gentleman in his seventies, is the kind of orator that can transport you to a different place and time. This is what he told me...

You must understand...For hundreds of years, the Spanish people have suffered many things. Many people have had to struggle for many years. They have had to learn how to make use of everything on the land. This recipe is made from things people had on their properties and were easy and inexpensive to collect. This is why this dish is popular with the Spanish people. It is very delicious. You may not like it. It is very bitter. You can eat it from the first day you add the ingredients, but if it is too strong for you, you can wait longer to eat it and it will become more mild. I thanked him for bringing me the recipe, the mashing rock, and showing me how to prepare the olives for soaking. He was very confident that I could translate the recipe for any parts I did not understand. Six days passed...

It was now time to put this dish together. I put in all the ingredients, then waited a couple of hours to taste it. Ugh! Bitter does not begin to cover it. It was so bitter that it left what can best be surprised as a metallic taste in my mouth. Okay, so I'd have to wait a bit, just like Senor M said I would. I didn't call him to taste it yet. I would wait. I didn't want him to see me squench up my face. I tried one the next day...Still awful. I tried one each day for about 5 days. Finally, I could tell that a milder flavor was developing, so I put the top back on and checked it in a few more days when I was sure that nearly all the bitterness would be gone. After a few days, I had no idea whether the bitterness was gone or not. They looked good from the outside, but under the lid...not so much. I wasn't able to taste the olives at all because of a white fuzzy layer was growing on top of them. Great...My mother-in-law asked me if I need to refrigerate it it, but I said no because the recipe never mentioned it. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to follow the rules...Oh well...I failed at my first attempt at preparing olives in a traditional Spanish way. Maybe Senor M will forget all about it. He's not senile, but he is 73. I'll just hope he'll experience a senior moment where the olives are concerned. Hasta luego...